


The stranger with a familiar face

by transsam



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, a bit of warning for sam's general lucifer trauma, i love writing sam's angsty inner monologue, s14x1 coda, sam and nick meeting gave me emotions, so I wrote this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-08-05 08:14:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16364174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transsam/pseuds/transsam
Summary: Sam knows... he knows he can't blame Nick for how he feels.





	The stranger with a familiar face

There were lots of things Sam was capable of, lots of things he knew he could handle, he’d withstand things a lot worse than this. He’d been in worse situation, he’d lost Dean before, he’d got him back. He still had everyone else around him, he had more support than ever. Like mom had said: something would beak. But... it wasn’t just the thoughts of Dean that kept occupying his mind, no.

 

It was the man in the dungeon.

 

He just... he could barely do this, no, he….he _couldn't_ do this, this was the last thing he needed right now. They finally killed Lucifer, he was free of him. Lucifer would never come back to haunt him ever again, he would never hurt another soul again... except they didn’t end up burning his vessel, because he was alive. The moment Sam went to look at the body of that church and found it still breathing... God, he thought Lucifer was still alive.

But this wasn’t Lucifer, this was Nick. He tried to remember that every moment he looked at him. He didn’t actually _know_ this man, not at all. All he knew was that he saw.

He didn’t want to treat this man with cruelty because of who and what he reminded him of, he didn’t want to be that kind of person. But he had a hard time keeping it all down, pretending like everything was okay, that Nick was just another person he wished to help... He wasn’t. Oh Sam wanted to help him, with all his heart, and he would. But looking at him, talking to him... touching him, it took all the strength he could muster.

 

“Hey.” Sam peeked inside, Nick was sitting cross legged on the bed, a small book in his hand, smacking it close as soon as Sam stepped into the room.

 

“I brought you some dinner. I bet you’re hungry.” They hadn’t let Nick leave this room until Sam came back from his hunt, he’ been fed and clothed, at least to Sam’s knowledge. However, no one seem particularly comfortable with him in the bunker. When they first found him alive, the overall suggestion had bee to kill him... But, Sam couldn't do that. It wasn’t right.

 

“...If you’d rather eat in the kitchen, or with the others or something…” He wasn’t sure how everyone else would react, seeing as most knew just who this man used to be possessed by, but it seemed cruel to leave him isolated down here, he could at least give him the option.

 

“Thanks but... I think I’ll stay in here for a bit longer.”

 

“Okay…” If Sam wanted to he could just leave now, get the air he so desperately needed. It was hard breathing in here, and not because they were in the dungeon, not because of the lack of windows. He just... couldn't catch a proper breath so close to this man. And a large part of him wanted to leave but…

 

It had been three days, and this man had hardly seen a soul, hardly talked to anyone. So he sat the tray next to him on the bed, sitting down on the desk chair in the corner of the room.

He didn’t know Nick or his history, didn’t know if he had anyone waiting for him back home, someone who was desperately worried about what happened to him for all these years. Eventually he should ask the man about it, let him go but for now... for Dean’s sake and Nick’s own safety he had to remain here.

 

“Just-, just so you know, It’s not like we’re gonna keep you here forever, it’s just-”

 

“-You need to make sure I’m actually me and not really Lucifer. Figure out what happened to me, maybe help save your brother.” Nick smiled, he didn't seem bitter, or angry, at least not from what Sam could read.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“I’m really not complaining, after... everything...- I’m-, I honestly didn’t expect you to even keep me alive.” Nick was scraping at his food with his fork, seemingly disinterested in it, his eyes all too distant. There was a certain... guilt to his face. Sam wondered how much he blamed himself, like he did once... still did to some extent. Sam couldn't blame Nick like he blamed himself thought, after all Nick didn’t let Lucifer out of the cage.

 

In fact… he blamed himself for what happened to Nick. How could he not? If he’d never started the apocalypse, Nick would never have been possessed. They wouldn't be sitting here face to face like this. It all came back to him didn’t it?

Sam had to wonder, what made this man say yes in the first place? He wasn’t going to ask here and now. It didn’t feel right to probe him about it. But regardless of why, he doubted he could ever blame Nick for it. He knew Lucifer, knew his manipulation, but he didn’t know Nick’s reasons.

’ _Don’t judge a book by it’s cover_ ’ in this case could not be more true, he was more prone to judgment of the man before him than anyone. But that wasn’t in him to do.

 

“Once thing settle down, you can leave.” Sam reassured him. “It’s it’s probably best for you to stay here for a while longer, you know. But I don’t... I won’t force you further into this... I know you’ve been through enough already.”

 

Nick gave a nod without a word, grabbing a small bite of his food, looking lost in thought. There was certain things Sam took notice of as he ate in silence. How he sat, unlike Lucifer, bent over, almost crouching into himself. He looked all too vulnerable. How he avoided Sam’s eyes the whole time. Or the fact that he still wore his wedding ring. Sam wondered… why Lucifer never got rid of it, he remember catching a glimpse of it from time to time. Perhaps it had been some kind display of twisted affection towards Nick, the same way he had shown to Sam when he called him «Sammy».

 

They sat like that for a while, in silence.

 

“You know, it's funny.” The old man suddenly looked up at Sam, studying him. “I almost feel like I know you. Like I’ve known you for years, I know your face all to well and yet... the only thing I know about you is from his mind, his perspective. I guess it’s kinda like that for you too, you see me and you see the face of a man who only hurt you.”

 

He was right. And ever part of him fought every minute to muster even being in the same room with the person before him, all because he wore a familiar face. All too familiar. Sam spent more time seeing that face, hearing that voice, than he spent seeing and hearing his own brother. But right now... that wasn’t the only thing he saw.

 

“It is but... I also see you as-, as stranger.” Sam stuttered. “When I look at you I can tell... that you’re not the same person.”

 

«Well that’s a bonus.» Nick gave a brief smile, looking all to apprehensive. “Because... I almost have to tell myself I’m not him every time I wake up.”

 

“Yeah I know... I know what it’s like to...to be part of him... To have someone else see through your eyes like that it’s... terrifying. And with how long you’ve been possessed I can only imagin-”

 

“-You know what.. Let’s not talk about Lucifer right now. I need to be able to keep the food down.”

 

The mention of the angel was enough to make Sam lose his appetite too, it had happened before.. “You’re right, sorry.”

 

Sam still sat with him, waiting until he finished his meal. It felt strange looking at this man. He seemed so... lost. It was something he never thought he would associate with that face, and that body.

Sam noticed how sometimes Nick seemed to grip the fork almost too tightly, or his hands would shake. His mouth seemed to be moving in and odd manner too, like he wasn’t used to eating or chewing. The other man didn’t eat for almost ten years, it must be strange for him to finally taste something again, or even move his own body to his will in any way.

 

"I know you didn’t have to do this... that I probably don’t deserve any of this.» Nick stared down at his legs, rubbing his palms on his knees. "-That it’s hard for you, being this close to me."

 

"Maybe, but that doesn't mean I don’t wanna help." Sam sighed, standing up to pick up the now mostly empty tray next to the man. He grabbed it too quickly, glass almost tipping over at the swift movement.

 

"Well... if you need anything, just call for me."

 

Nick looked up at him with a shy smile, nodding, for a moment there he looked nothing like Lucifer.

 

"Thank you, Sam."

**Author's Note:**

> I have... very little faith in the writers to pull anything good out of their ass when it comes to this dynamic, as they seem to have an allergy to Sam's Lucifer trauma and letting Sam have complex relationships. But the potential in the Sam/Nick dynamic interest me, so expect me to write more Sam/Nick stuff in the future... I mean I started an actual Sam/Nick fic before the new season... who would have guessed this would happen?(I pray the writers can actually do something good with it in terms of Sam and Nick bonding/relating in some way)


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